Feeling Weird and Starting a New Diet

The first part of this week was just insane.

I felt like a giant ball of tension wrapped on tin foil and put in a microwave.

... I don't know, that made more sense in my head.

Point is, I was stressed to the max.

My mother and I both work at the same hospital and... lets just say, the hospital is like a sinking ship. We have had two medical doctors pull out, which means no patient admits from them, our endo doctor is gone on vacation and one of the bariatric doctors left or got his license revoked or some weird stuff.

Anyway, I have not worked since Easter, and even then I only worked 4 hours of my 8 hour shift. My mother has been hit also. She gets called off work left and right and her pay checks have suffered.

So monday I get the glorious call from my mother lementing about how my father feels about our money situation. He doesn't know how they will pay for the wedding, I'm not making any money right now (although payments are not due for a good 5 months) and he's just FREAKING OUT.

So mom tells me all this and I start to freak out. I tell Nick, he freaks out. I start to look at our wedding budget and freak out.

To top it all off, Nick had a friend staying over so I couldn't be too stompy angry rage-y about all of it.

So Tuesday wasn't much better. I felt kind of on auto poilet all day. Just kind of sailed through my clincial day, did well with my patient, nothing too exciting.

But that morning I had begun taking this new medication I have gotten from a weight loss clinic. It's call Phentermine and it's basically the same as Ritalin and is closely related to Meth. It's an ampthetamine and basicly all it does is suppress your appetite and make you have more energy.

Holy crap, did it ever.

I don't think I've ever had that much focused energy in.... ever.

But I was just still stressed to the max and just suffering from caregiver role strain. I'm not going to go into the details, but I just wanted someone to wait on me instead of me waiting on them.

Anyway so I took Wednesday off from clinicals and I got SO MUCH DONE. I felt so good. I wasn't stressed.

Yay!

Currently I'm searching for a florist for our wedding and typing up a wedding budget and typing up a tentative wedding day itinerary. So we shall see how that goes.

Over and Out

<3 br="">

Videographer and It's YOUR Day

Is that the correct spelling?

Videographer.... It LOOKS correct, but my spell check doesn't like it.

Anyway, the guy who does videos at the wedding.

This has become a super hot new trend in the wedding world, and rightly so!

Video adds a whole another dimension to the wedding experience and lets you truely capture the day so you may cherish the memories forever.

Wedding videographers can run anywhere from your cousin doing it for free up words of thousands of dollars. I was fortunate enough to have a friend of the family volunteer to do it FO FREE and I am eternally grateful to this person!

I know for a fact that my cousin who was married in Hawaii got video of her wedding taken and it's absolutely beautiful! I can't wait to have my wedding photos along with my memories of a wedding video to cherish for ever and share with my children :D

The only reason why I bring this up today in a post is because my father and I got into an argument about it today. I called and ask if the friend of the family was going to be doing the videos just be sure and he said no. So I panicked. I frantically started searching for a videographer online that we could afford and came across a very nice gentleman in the St. Louis area who used to be a photojournalist for the St. Louis Post Dispatch.

http://www.stlphotoandvideo.com/

But then my father called me back and informed me that the friend of the family was still on board for doing it and I regretfully had to call the man back and cancel my appointment I had made for tomorrow. Apparently he had thought that since I didn't want to use him for our wedding photos that I didn't want him to do the videos either, which is totally not true.

This is where I get into the second part of my title, it's YOUR day.

I had found a photographer online who I LOVED. I loved her style in all her photos and Nick loved her too. I just couldn't see my photos being done by anyone but her. My family wanted me to go with our friend of the family, but I had already had my mind set on this photographer and I didn't care what I had to do to get her. I would work extra shifts to pay for her, whatever, I wanted her.

This might have been my first "bridezilla" moment of the whole wedding process, but I know what I wanted and I stuck to my guns. A wedding is truely the first steps a woman takes on her own and kind of standing up to her parents. Parents have their vision in their head of how they thing their child's wedding will be and often that is not the case.

I personally am in love with our photographer and I cannot wait for her to shoot our wedding. I do not regret my decisions at all, just the turmoil it caused my family that I didn't want to go along with what they wanted.

Here's a link to our blog post from the photographer and a link to her website!

Over and out!
<3 br="">

It's Been A While...

So... It's been a while since I've blogged.

But I would like to get back to doing it.

I like writing out my feelings and thoughts and perhaps teaching someone something.

So here's whats been going on with me the past few months.

1. I got engaged!
-I know, exciting right? Yeah, it's cool. But then there is this thing called a WEDDING that comes along with the big shiny rock.

And a wedding is THE MOST STRESSFUL THING SOMEONE CAN EVER DO TO THEM SELVES.

I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to elope. Just get married and not worry about all the stuff. I do have great friends and family who are supportive and will help with whatever i ask them to do, but there's lots of stuff my fiancee and I have to do, like plan out the music play list.

I will more then likely talk about this more later.

2. I'm graduating nursing school!!!
-And let me tell you I'm almost more excited to do that then get married. I've been working on being a nurse longer than I've known Nick, so it takes a LITTLE more priority over my wedding. As of now.

So this is super stressful also because I'm constantly being tested and scrutinized for my skills and made sure I'm not going to kill someone.

I'm also sure I'll write more about this later also.

3. I'm trying to find a job!!!
-And that is the biggest deal of all. Because with out a job, all my hard work in school will be worth nothing and I won't be able to pay for the wedding or live in my apartment or do anything because everything costs money and agiehjogjsagjasjgsgjdsljgsda.

Ok, as you can see, I get a little crazy.

So I have a job. I work at St. Alexius hospital in south St. Louis and I enjoy working there. I do. Some days I dread going into work because I never know what is going to be thrown at me. I've gotten A LOT of psychiatric experience from working there, less of my choosing, but I defiantly grew as a person and health care professional. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

But the hospital has contiuned to go down hill. Certain doctors have pulled out of the hospital due to personal reasons or because of our new charting system, but I get called off work left and right. It's getting tough. Oh and...

4. I moved in with my fiance!
-We now officially have an apartment together for the past 4 months. And to run of the risk of sounding like one of THOSE people, you TRULY do not know a person until you live with them. I thought I would be fine living with Nick because I've lived in a co-ed dorm for the past 2 years, but oh did we butt heads at first. He has crazy OCD things he has to have me do (like wipe the water droplets off the tub edge when I get out of the shower or where I leave my books out at night) and we have grown together and learned to deal with each others ways (like I cannot stand that he has to use a new towel everytime he showers, so he has started reusing them, thanks to A LOT of my nagging) and we have come out stronger and more connected.

But, man oh man, were those first 2 months rough.

So, I've decided to start blogging again. I don't know if anyone will read these, but hopefully it will help me get out of my head a little bit because I feel like a crazy person most of the time with trying to finish school and work and plan the wedding and find a job and provide for us. And perhaps I will help someone learn from me also. That's always good.

Until next time!