... the part about today will go like this:
"I woke up one morning, 1 day before I was about to leave on my fantastic, life changing, once in a life time opportunity trip to the UK to a text message from my ex-boyfriend Matt. Him and I had been broken up for a year and I was since then dating another fablious guy, David, for about a year at that point in time. The text simply asked if I wanted to grab some lunch with him. I laied in bed, assessing my hunger, and figured it was a good idea. I replyed yes and then he said the words that no one wants to hear:
"Ok, well, I need to talk to you about something."
....
Shit.
At that point in time I was damn sure that Matt still wanted to date me. He was nice to me, he hadn't dated any other girls and he just gave off that vibe of wanting to be together again. I tried not to assume anything, but I couldn't help but think that he was going to ask me to get back together with him before I left for England to visit David for the first time.
I waited patiently outside my house for him. When he pulled up into my drive way, he was visibly shaking as he got out of his car. I knew it was some big news.
"Hey," I said calmly.
"H-hey," he stuttered back.
"What did you want to talk about?"
"Well.... This is really hard.... I shouldn't have came here."
I sighed, exasperated, "No, you're going to fucking tell me whats up. It's me Matt. Whats going on?" He wouldn't look at me. He just kept staring off into space as he talked.
"I know you're getting ready to go to England and meet David and... I've only ever wanted you to be happy, you know that... But.... Christina, I just want you to know that when we were dating, I loved you the best that I could, I loved you with all my heart..... And.... Well.... Are you over me?"
I took my time choosing my words. I thought, this could go either way depending on what I say. If I say no, which would be a lie, he might be happy or think I'm crazy. If I say yes, he might be heart broken.
"Yes Matt, I am over you." I braced myself for what would come next.
"Well, I'm over you to... and... I did love you Christina, but you need to know.... that I'm gay."
.........
I didn't know what to say, but he kept talking.
"I wanted to marry you. I had a ring picked out. You can go to my mom and ask her to see it. I honestly, truely wish that this could still work out, even right now, because I love you so much, but because I'm gay, I can never commit to you on a certain level. And that's not fair to either one of us."
As we both started to sob, I said, "I knew.... I knew on a certain level that you were gay. I just never wanted to admit it to myself because we were together for so long, but because of the lack of physical-ness in our relationship, I always knew.... I mean, I'm not mad. I don't regret dating you. I learned a lot and I'll always love you.... But I'm glad you're happy."
At that point, neither one of us said anything much.... I reached out for him to hug me.
"This is going to be, like, the best hug ever," he said as he slid his arms around me.
As we parted, I could only think of one thing to say, "Well.... I'm just glad we didn't have sex cause that would have really messed me up."
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Taking The Semester Off: UPDATE
Alright, so I'm about knee deep in this whole taking the semester off thing.
So far, it just feels like an endless summer, except most of my friends have disappeared or are constantly stressed out and I'm constantly in a "Sound of Music" state of mind.
The "Sound of Music" state of mind referring to the part where she's running around on the hill top, not the Nazi part.
My days are usually full of sleeping in until 10am or so, spending time with my mom, bumming around the GlenEd area running various errands that I usually have to do, going to the gym, cooking, working at T-sno or the church and reading. LOTS of reading.
It also helps to have a project to make the time pass faster. My current project is getting my ass to England to have my "Sound of Music" state of mind in the middle of the UK and meet my prince charming. It's actually pretty daunting, really. I have to fly to London by myself, find my way to the hotel by myself, then find my way to David's by myself and then to the airport in his town by myself... wait, no, he's dropping me off at the airport.
I have pretty much all of this figured out, which one of my friends doesn't like cause he thinks that it takes away from the adventure of the all, but I have 16 full days to be wreckless.
......
I've only meet one other person who is taking this semester off and her reasons are different from mind. After attending college for 2 years, she still doesn't know what to do with her life, so she decided to stop wasting her parents money and her time and take the semester off.
I'm reminded of something that Hank Green made a vlog about concerning this. In today's day in age, we're always pressured to know what we're doing in the future, work for the future. But when someone steps out and says I don't know what I want to do with my future, it's looked upon as admirable or foolish.
I personally think that its admirable to not know what to do with your life at this current juncture of age. I'm 20, an adult by some standards, not by others, and I don't have it all figured out. I think that a lot of other people my age do have it figured out and some think they do but don't.
I don't want to turn into the older adult version of myself and not have experienced what I'm experiencing right now. Some version of carefree-ness. Some version of not knowing what tomorrow is going to bring. Some version of being hopelessly in love with a man you shouldn't be, but you can't help it because he gets you in a way you've never experienced before and you're ready to run off to his home country just to see if you two click the way you both want to in person.
I guess that what I'm getting at here is that, despite what society or your parents tell you, it's ok to not have it figured out, because I think that a lot of them wish they could admit that, but they can't cause they're adults.
But things are going well :D
Over and out ♥
So far, it just feels like an endless summer, except most of my friends have disappeared or are constantly stressed out and I'm constantly in a "Sound of Music" state of mind.
The "Sound of Music" state of mind referring to the part where she's running around on the hill top, not the Nazi part.
My days are usually full of sleeping in until 10am or so, spending time with my mom, bumming around the GlenEd area running various errands that I usually have to do, going to the gym, cooking, working at T-sno or the church and reading. LOTS of reading.
It also helps to have a project to make the time pass faster. My current project is getting my ass to England to have my "Sound of Music" state of mind in the middle of the UK and meet my prince charming. It's actually pretty daunting, really. I have to fly to London by myself, find my way to the hotel by myself, then find my way to David's by myself and then to the airport in his town by myself... wait, no, he's dropping me off at the airport.
I have pretty much all of this figured out, which one of my friends doesn't like cause he thinks that it takes away from the adventure of the all, but I have 16 full days to be wreckless.
......
I've only meet one other person who is taking this semester off and her reasons are different from mind. After attending college for 2 years, she still doesn't know what to do with her life, so she decided to stop wasting her parents money and her time and take the semester off.
I'm reminded of something that Hank Green made a vlog about concerning this. In today's day in age, we're always pressured to know what we're doing in the future, work for the future. But when someone steps out and says I don't know what I want to do with my future, it's looked upon as admirable or foolish.
I personally think that its admirable to not know what to do with your life at this current juncture of age. I'm 20, an adult by some standards, not by others, and I don't have it all figured out. I think that a lot of other people my age do have it figured out and some think they do but don't.
I don't want to turn into the older adult version of myself and not have experienced what I'm experiencing right now. Some version of carefree-ness. Some version of not knowing what tomorrow is going to bring. Some version of being hopelessly in love with a man you shouldn't be, but you can't help it because he gets you in a way you've never experienced before and you're ready to run off to his home country just to see if you two click the way you both want to in person.
I guess that what I'm getting at here is that, despite what society or your parents tell you, it's ok to not have it figured out, because I think that a lot of them wish they could admit that, but they can't cause they're adults.
But things are going well :D
Over and out ♥
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Tuesday
I have a lot to do today.
List time!
- Call the dentist and reschedule my check up (because I'll be in England :D)
- Get the oil changed in my car
- Go to the bank and tell them the exact dates I'll be in each country on my tour so I can use my debit card there and not have it frozen
- Get food for chickens
- Try to locate the system disks for my Dad's laptop (which is near impossible)
- Work out (may try to catch the 5:30 water aerobics class)
- Call David ♥
- Try to fix something yummy for dinner (or just order some Mr. Curry's)
- Start making a packing list for England
- Attempt to clean my room (I'm going to be gone for a whole month straight. I don't want it to look worse when I get back then when I leave, dust wise at least)
And there you go.
......
I'm getting excited about meeting David. And nervous. On Sunday we talked about what if we don't like each other and what if we do like each other "in that way" and such and it kinda put a damper on my mood. Like it made me feel like he wasn't going to like me or he didn't want to deal with having a long distance girlfriend anymore. But then we talked yesterday and he was all worried about weather or not I'll like him (which I will, I know I will), and I simply said to him what he said to me Sunday, which was, "I know I'll like you. I know it. But if I don't, then we'll be great friends, ok?" Plus, he told me to pack my naughty school girl outfit and that I need a seeing too.
That always helps me feel better about things :-)
Over and out ♥
List time!
- Call the dentist and reschedule my check up (because I'll be in England :D)
- Get the oil changed in my car
- Go to the bank and tell them the exact dates I'll be in each country on my tour so I can use my debit card there and not have it frozen
- Get food for chickens
- Try to locate the system disks for my Dad's laptop (which is near impossible)
- Work out (may try to catch the 5:30 water aerobics class)
- Call David ♥
- Try to fix something yummy for dinner (or just order some Mr. Curry's)
- Start making a packing list for England
- Attempt to clean my room (I'm going to be gone for a whole month straight. I don't want it to look worse when I get back then when I leave, dust wise at least)
And there you go.
......
I'm getting excited about meeting David. And nervous. On Sunday we talked about what if we don't like each other and what if we do like each other "in that way" and such and it kinda put a damper on my mood. Like it made me feel like he wasn't going to like me or he didn't want to deal with having a long distance girlfriend anymore. But then we talked yesterday and he was all worried about weather or not I'll like him (which I will, I know I will), and I simply said to him what he said to me Sunday, which was, "I know I'll like you. I know it. But if I don't, then we'll be great friends, ok?" Plus, he told me to pack my naughty school girl outfit and that I need a seeing too.
That always helps me feel better about things :-)
Over and out ♥
Monday, September 13, 2010
How I Saved $3,000 In One Year
As many of you are now aware of, I'm going on a tour of England.
I paid for the trip all out of money that I've saved in the past year.
The tour ended up being $2,601 and the plane tickets around $1,000 (my parents agreed to pay that), so that leaves me with roughly $300 spending money, but I still need more cause exchange rates SUCK.
How did I do this while only working part time part of the year and going to school full time the other part?
Let me explain in list form:
- First of all, I did not have a boyfriend who lived in this country who I spent money on all the time. After Matt and I broke up, I had SO much money that I didn't know what to do with it. So I started saving it and using it to fund a trip to see my new boyfriend, David. I did send David packages (postage is not cheep), but one lump sum of money at a time is better then spending a bunch of little sums of money on boy all the time (for saving, at least).
- I made money any way, shape or form I could. During the summer I work at Tropical Sno in Edwardsville earning $8.25 an hour. Most of my paycheck went into savings. I also dog-sat and house-sat as well. During the winter I cleaned houses and worked in my church's nursery earning $10.25 an hour. I wasn't ashamed to do menial stuff, like babysit, do chores around the house. Money is money no matter what way you slice it.
- I tried to have as little bills as possible. The only "bill" I pay every month is $40 to Compassion International for my sponsor child. Yes, my parents do pay for my car, cell phone, gas, insurance and schooling, but that is besides the point.
- I was stingy as hell with my money. I did not loan any one any money at any time during this whole thing.
- I kept all my money from Christmas and my birthday. I also only asked for money for those two holidays as well.
- I LITERALLY saved my pennies. Every few days or so, I would empty out my wallet of all lose change. My dad had an extra change counter (one of those things you put change in and it adds it all up) and I would use that to see how much change I had. It became a little game I would play with myself. I would try to get enough change to get to $20, then $30 and so on. I'm currently at $99.44 and it's killing me a little inside to not be at $100.
- I sold stuff on Craigslist. Seriously. I made roughly $250 selling my old junk on there. We only had 1 garage sale in the time I was saving (I also sold stuff there and donated all the old stuff to Goodwill OR sold it on Craigslist), but Craigslist is a great way to get rid of stuff. You have to be patient and sometimes post stuff multiple times before it gets sold, but it will happen one way or another.
- If I spent money on something, I made it worth it. I recently bought 6 books that I really wanted off of Amazon.com. I saved money by combining books together for shipping and getting some dirt cheap. I ended up spending $43 on all them, shipping included.
- One thing that really killed me sometimes is that I would break down and flat out ask my parents for money. If some friends wanted to go over to St. Louis and do something, I would tell my mom what was up and ask her for a little bit of money. She or my dad would front me a bit, nothing huge (like $10 or $15), just so that I could have a nice time. It also helped that I would have a rough estimate in my head before posing this to them so I could get exactly as much money as I needed to go out. But then there were the times that I didn't want my parents to know where I was going, so I would have to front my own money for those trips. Again: choose how you spend your money wisely.
- Watching my spending on food was a HUGE thing too. When I would go out to eat with friends, I would order water and put lemon and sugar in it in stead of getting a drink. I limited myself to eating out one time a week (it was usually Mr. Currys *nomnom*). Generic food products became my best friend. Cooking at home became my staple. I would pack my lunch or dinner to take to work instead of grabbing something on the run. If I went out to eat more than once a week, it would be with my parents so they could pay for the meal.
- Another huge thing was that I didn't put my money into my checking or savings account. Now, you may say, "Christina, some one as money savvy as you should know that you could have drawn interest on that money while it was in there." Yes, this is extremly true, but if it was in any of my accounts, it would have been WAY too easy for me to spend. And because the current economy SUCKS, it would not have earned that much interest anyway.
- The number one most cardinal thing that I did during this time was I watched what I spent. It may seem like a "duh" thing to do, but it really helped me. I still bought some things that I wanted, but I put the work in and hunted around for deals. If I saw a book at Borders Bookstore that I wanted, I would wait a few days to see if I still wanted it, and if I did, I would go online to find the cheapest one possible.
I'm still trying to save some more money, seeing as the tour doesn't provide us dinner half the dates and we have lots of excursions to choose from. I need at least $250 to do all the excursions that I want to do on the trip an then another.... I don't know.... maybe $200 for dinners and lunches on the trip. So lets make that an even $800 I need/want in spending money for the trip.
And I'll get it, one way or another. I'm still working at T-sno, still working in the nursery, so the money will come in slowly, but surely.
Over and out ♥
I paid for the trip all out of money that I've saved in the past year.
The tour ended up being $2,601 and the plane tickets around $1,000 (my parents agreed to pay that), so that leaves me with roughly $300 spending money, but I still need more cause exchange rates SUCK.
How did I do this while only working part time part of the year and going to school full time the other part?
Let me explain in list form:
- First of all, I did not have a boyfriend who lived in this country who I spent money on all the time. After Matt and I broke up, I had SO much money that I didn't know what to do with it. So I started saving it and using it to fund a trip to see my new boyfriend, David. I did send David packages (postage is not cheep), but one lump sum of money at a time is better then spending a bunch of little sums of money on boy all the time (for saving, at least).
- I made money any way, shape or form I could. During the summer I work at Tropical Sno in Edwardsville earning $8.25 an hour. Most of my paycheck went into savings. I also dog-sat and house-sat as well. During the winter I cleaned houses and worked in my church's nursery earning $10.25 an hour. I wasn't ashamed to do menial stuff, like babysit, do chores around the house. Money is money no matter what way you slice it.
- I tried to have as little bills as possible. The only "bill" I pay every month is $40 to Compassion International for my sponsor child. Yes, my parents do pay for my car, cell phone, gas, insurance and schooling, but that is besides the point.
- I was stingy as hell with my money. I did not loan any one any money at any time during this whole thing.
- I kept all my money from Christmas and my birthday. I also only asked for money for those two holidays as well.
- I LITERALLY saved my pennies. Every few days or so, I would empty out my wallet of all lose change. My dad had an extra change counter (one of those things you put change in and it adds it all up) and I would use that to see how much change I had. It became a little game I would play with myself. I would try to get enough change to get to $20, then $30 and so on. I'm currently at $99.44 and it's killing me a little inside to not be at $100.
- I sold stuff on Craigslist. Seriously. I made roughly $250 selling my old junk on there. We only had 1 garage sale in the time I was saving (I also sold stuff there and donated all the old stuff to Goodwill OR sold it on Craigslist), but Craigslist is a great way to get rid of stuff. You have to be patient and sometimes post stuff multiple times before it gets sold, but it will happen one way or another.
- If I spent money on something, I made it worth it. I recently bought 6 books that I really wanted off of Amazon.com. I saved money by combining books together for shipping and getting some dirt cheap. I ended up spending $43 on all them, shipping included.
- One thing that really killed me sometimes is that I would break down and flat out ask my parents for money. If some friends wanted to go over to St. Louis and do something, I would tell my mom what was up and ask her for a little bit of money. She or my dad would front me a bit, nothing huge (like $10 or $15), just so that I could have a nice time. It also helped that I would have a rough estimate in my head before posing this to them so I could get exactly as much money as I needed to go out. But then there were the times that I didn't want my parents to know where I was going, so I would have to front my own money for those trips. Again: choose how you spend your money wisely.
- Watching my spending on food was a HUGE thing too. When I would go out to eat with friends, I would order water and put lemon and sugar in it in stead of getting a drink. I limited myself to eating out one time a week (it was usually Mr. Currys *nomnom*). Generic food products became my best friend. Cooking at home became my staple. I would pack my lunch or dinner to take to work instead of grabbing something on the run. If I went out to eat more than once a week, it would be with my parents so they could pay for the meal.
- Another huge thing was that I didn't put my money into my checking or savings account. Now, you may say, "Christina, some one as money savvy as you should know that you could have drawn interest on that money while it was in there." Yes, this is extremly true, but if it was in any of my accounts, it would have been WAY too easy for me to spend. And because the current economy SUCKS, it would not have earned that much interest anyway.
- The number one most cardinal thing that I did during this time was I watched what I spent. It may seem like a "duh" thing to do, but it really helped me. I still bought some things that I wanted, but I put the work in and hunted around for deals. If I saw a book at Borders Bookstore that I wanted, I would wait a few days to see if I still wanted it, and if I did, I would go online to find the cheapest one possible.
I'm still trying to save some more money, seeing as the tour doesn't provide us dinner half the dates and we have lots of excursions to choose from. I need at least $250 to do all the excursions that I want to do on the trip an then another.... I don't know.... maybe $200 for dinners and lunches on the trip. So lets make that an even $800 I need/want in spending money for the trip.
And I'll get it, one way or another. I'm still working at T-sno, still working in the nursery, so the money will come in slowly, but surely.
Over and out ♥
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Itinerary For England Tour (September 29th – October 19th)
Alright.
It’s official.
I’m going to England.
I booked and paid for the tour today.
This tour is freaking sick. Like, I could not ask for a better tour or time or price or anything (*plug* Contiki Tours)
Here’s the low down:
Day 1, Wednesday September 29th – Depart from St. Louis.
Day 2, Thursday September 30th – Arrive in London. Take the day to check in, mosey around the city, and go to the Doctor Who store, of course.
Day 3, Friday October 1st – Take a sightseeing tour of London (Westminster Abby, Buckingham Palace, Parliament, Big Ben, Tower of London). Leave to Bristol, on the way stop at Stonehenge, Bath, spend the night in Bristol.
Day 4, Saturday October 2nd - Continue on our way to York. Stop at Liverpool on the way and take in a Beatles music tour! Once in York we will see York Minster and Clifford's Tower. Spend the night in York.
Day 5, Sunday October 3rd - Continue to Lake District. Sight see the beauty, possibly go on canoe or kayak. Then a cruise on Lake Windermere. Try a traditional afternoon English tea! Spend the night in Lake District.
Day 6, Monday October 4th - Continue to Edinburgh, Scotland. Stop by Hadrian's Wall, Gretna Green, check out Edinburgh. Option to have a traditional Scottish dinner. Spend the night in Edinburgh.
Day 7, Tuesday October 5th - Explore Edinburgh!
Day 8, Wednesday October 6th - Continue to Scottish Highlands. Visit the Home of Golf, visit a whisky distillery, cruise LOCH NESS!!!!, then spend the night in the Scottish Highlands.
Day 9, Thursday October 7th - Continue to West Highlands. Drive past breath taking views, Eilean Donan Castle, then to the Isle of Skye, visit Portree, Trotternish Peninsula, Ben Nevis (Brittians highest mountian) and then spend the night in this area.
Day 10, Friday October 8th - Make our way to Glasgow, via Stirling. Explore the city, eat, drink, be merry.
Day 11, Saturday October 9th - Ferry across the Irish Sea to Northern Ireland and travel though County Meath and Boyne Valley - site of Ireland's most bloody battles. Continue to Dublin. Spend the night there.
Day 12, Sunday October 10th - Continue to Londonderry. Pass through Belfast in the process. Visit the Giant's Causeway! Spend the night to Londonderry.
Day 13, Monday October 11th - Take a tour of Londonderry. Continue to Galway, spend the night there getting to know the city.
Day 14, Tuesday October 12th - Galway. Boat cruise out to the Aran Islands. Spend another night in Galway.
Day 15, Wednesday October 13th - Continue to Cork. Pass by Blarney Castle where we can kiss the Blarney Stone! Arrive in Cork and spend time rummaging around. Visiting the history English Market, operating since 1785.
Day 16, Thursday October 14th - Continue to Kilkenny. On the way, visit Cobh, where the Titanic make her last port of call. Learn about Irish migration to America. Tour of Jameson's whiskey distillery!!!! Kilkenny Castle and St. Canice's Cathedral. Spend the night in Kilkenny.
Day 17, Friday October 15th - Continue to Dublin. Touring Dublin, learning about the history, GUINNESS FACTORY TOUR!!!!!!!
Day 18, Saturday October 16th - Continue back to London. Ferry back across the Irish Sea to Wales. Pass through Snowdonia National Park, visit Llanfairpwllgwyngyll. End in London, spend the night. Tour officially as ended.
Sunday October 17th - I will continue on and take the train up to Newcastle where I will meet David, one way or another. Spend the night at David's.
Monday October 18th - Spend the day in Newcastle doing whatever.
Tuesday October 19th - Fly out of Newcastle.
This is the link to the actually itinerary from Contiki.
http://contiki.com/tours/128-great-britain-ireland/itinerary
.....
A good deal of people have voiced their concern about me meeting David. I know the risks of going and meeting him by myself. But I'm smart. I do believe in the good of humanity, but I am a smart girl who can figure things out for her self. It does upset me when people are not supportive of my endeavors because it fills me with doubt and doubt WRECKS me.
I may seem like a confident person on the outside, and for the most part I am. But if I don't have support behind me when I do BIG things... I just crack. Honestly, if my Mom wasn't so cool about me going to see David, I wouldn't of even thought of planning this trip. I would have just sat at home for the whole of October not doing anything.
But I am doing something.
I'm going on the trip of a lifetime to England.
I'm meeting my *hopefully* prince charming.
And, most importantly, I'm bringing home some freaking Irish whiskey.
Over and out ♥
Well Shit, Son...
It's 3:12am and I cannot get to sleep at all.
I was wanting to save this for a later blog post, but here it goes:
I'm going on a legit tour to England. One that will take up 18 days and take me to 4 countries.
I haven't booked it yet. That's going to happen tomorrow... er, today rather.
I'm so anxious about it. But for the wrong reasons.
After the whole tour is said and done, I'm going to spend 4 days with David. So far, I have not been able to contact him since Saturday. I realize this is only 4 days and that I've gone longer spans of times with out having contact with him, but I still always get this sinking feeling when we don't talk for a few days that he's never going to talk to me again. I don't know why. I really don't.
Every time we talk on the phone he's always like, "I love you, come stay as long as you like, you're welcome at my house no matter what", but so many times I've had to carpet ripped out from under me by the people whom I'm romantically involved with.
Even though it's only 4 days I'm risking and if some how I can't get to his house or what not I could just get a hotel, I still am FREAKING out about it. It's not the meeting part. I know that we'll like each other. It's the 'will he show up to meet me some place' part. It's the 'if I take a taxi to his house, will I be able to find his house' part. It's the 'will I have to be really jank and show up on his door step because he doesn't answer his phone between now and October the 16th' part.
God I'm crazy.
Here's whats probably going to happen:
I'll go to the travel agent today and book the tour, the plane tickets, all that good jazz. I'll get a hold of David some time between today and the time I leave for England (which should be either the 22nd or 29th of September). I'll tell him, "Hey, I'm going to be coming to your house either late on the 16th of October or early the 17th. Be ready." He'll say, "Wow babes, this is really happening.... I hope you don't mind my garden." And then he will take a bath.
I actually just laughed at that. And relaxed a little.
It's all going to be alright. One way or another, we're going to meet. I'm not going to fucking England with out meeting David.
Period.
Over and out ♥
P.S. I'll post stuff about the trip after we book it tomorrow... er, today.
I was wanting to save this for a later blog post, but here it goes:
I'm going on a legit tour to England. One that will take up 18 days and take me to 4 countries.
I haven't booked it yet. That's going to happen tomorrow... er, today rather.
I'm so anxious about it. But for the wrong reasons.
After the whole tour is said and done, I'm going to spend 4 days with David. So far, I have not been able to contact him since Saturday. I realize this is only 4 days and that I've gone longer spans of times with out having contact with him, but I still always get this sinking feeling when we don't talk for a few days that he's never going to talk to me again. I don't know why. I really don't.
Every time we talk on the phone he's always like, "I love you, come stay as long as you like, you're welcome at my house no matter what", but so many times I've had to carpet ripped out from under me by the people whom I'm romantically involved with.
Even though it's only 4 days I'm risking and if some how I can't get to his house or what not I could just get a hotel, I still am FREAKING out about it. It's not the meeting part. I know that we'll like each other. It's the 'will he show up to meet me some place' part. It's the 'if I take a taxi to his house, will I be able to find his house' part. It's the 'will I have to be really jank and show up on his door step because he doesn't answer his phone between now and October the 16th' part.
God I'm crazy.
Here's whats probably going to happen:
I'll go to the travel agent today and book the tour, the plane tickets, all that good jazz. I'll get a hold of David some time between today and the time I leave for England (which should be either the 22nd or 29th of September). I'll tell him, "Hey, I'm going to be coming to your house either late on the 16th of October or early the 17th. Be ready." He'll say, "Wow babes, this is really happening.... I hope you don't mind my garden." And then he will take a bath.
I actually just laughed at that. And relaxed a little.
It's all going to be alright. One way or another, we're going to meet. I'm not going to fucking England with out meeting David.
Period.
Over and out ♥
P.S. I'll post stuff about the trip after we book it tomorrow... er, today.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
I Wear My Heart On My Sleeve...
Like, I wish I could tattoo a heart on my arm with out there being too many negative ramifications in the future, but as we all know, the health care field looks down upon tattoos.
But I can't help that I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I don't see this as a bad thing. I'm always honest with people, even to the bitter end. I love fully, deeply, passionately. I can never commit to anything either. I'm always on the move.
I never take anything seriously, especially myself and except for the things I take seriously.
But sometimes it catches up with me.
I have trouble seeing the big picture because I get so wrapped up in the moment. I love being in the moment, but it does bite me in the butt.
Like, at this moment, I'm trying to plan a trip to England, by myself, in less than a month all because David said that I could come this month. September.
But, because I get wrapped up in the moment, I get SO PISSED OFF when he doesn't answer his phone when I call him. I know its not his fault a lot of times - he does have 3 kids to chase around. But since I'm trying to get my shit together in LESS THEN A MONTH, I want him on call for me.
Yes I'm being demanding. Yes I'm being a bit bitchy about it. Yes I'm being super annoying and nagging calling him all the time, but I want to talk to him NOW.
......
I do love David. A lot. I've never met someone who understands me so well with having only known me for a year. He is constantly inside my head. No one has ever been that way with me. Romantically or friendship wise. He knows the way I'm feeling and what I'm thinking just from the way I say my words to him on the phone. And the same goes for me for him.
I've never loved someone so purely, with out strings or regrets. Well, I guess the only regret that I have is that I didn't visit him sooner, but that will be fixed soon.
Yes, I do get frustrated with him at times because he can't fully devote himself to me at times because of the kids. But I don't think that I would love him as much if he didn't. I love that he is a full time dad. It speaks volumes about his character.
.......
I'm slowly starting to feel better about going to England by myself.
I've been looking up tours in London, so that I'm not blindly running around London not knowing what the fuck I'm looking at.
My biggest worry is getting places. I'm not the best with following train schedules. I'm also worried about having enough money to get around places. I wish I was taking my credit cards, just in case I run out of money.... I think I will just in case.
Folks... I'm going to the UK.
By. My. Self.
......
This is going to be epic.
Over and out ♥
But I can't help that I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I don't see this as a bad thing. I'm always honest with people, even to the bitter end. I love fully, deeply, passionately. I can never commit to anything either. I'm always on the move.
I never take anything seriously, especially myself and except for the things I take seriously.
But sometimes it catches up with me.
I have trouble seeing the big picture because I get so wrapped up in the moment. I love being in the moment, but it does bite me in the butt.
Like, at this moment, I'm trying to plan a trip to England, by myself, in less than a month all because David said that I could come this month. September.
But, because I get wrapped up in the moment, I get SO PISSED OFF when he doesn't answer his phone when I call him. I know its not his fault a lot of times - he does have 3 kids to chase around. But since I'm trying to get my shit together in LESS THEN A MONTH, I want him on call for me.
Yes I'm being demanding. Yes I'm being a bit bitchy about it. Yes I'm being super annoying and nagging calling him all the time, but I want to talk to him NOW.
......
I do love David. A lot. I've never met someone who understands me so well with having only known me for a year. He is constantly inside my head. No one has ever been that way with me. Romantically or friendship wise. He knows the way I'm feeling and what I'm thinking just from the way I say my words to him on the phone. And the same goes for me for him.
I've never loved someone so purely, with out strings or regrets. Well, I guess the only regret that I have is that I didn't visit him sooner, but that will be fixed soon.
Yes, I do get frustrated with him at times because he can't fully devote himself to me at times because of the kids. But I don't think that I would love him as much if he didn't. I love that he is a full time dad. It speaks volumes about his character.
.......
I'm slowly starting to feel better about going to England by myself.
I've been looking up tours in London, so that I'm not blindly running around London not knowing what the fuck I'm looking at.
My biggest worry is getting places. I'm not the best with following train schedules. I'm also worried about having enough money to get around places. I wish I was taking my credit cards, just in case I run out of money.... I think I will just in case.
Folks... I'm going to the UK.
By. My. Self.
......
This is going to be epic.
Over and out ♥
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