Horrible person, right here.

So I've been having some horrible thoughts lately.

First one....

- I don't feel good about my self unless I'm better off than other people.

Now let me explain what I mean.

So when I'm taking a test, I don't feel as if I'm doing well on the test unless I'm one of the first people done. I don't consider that my place in the world is 'good' unless I look at people from my past who I hate and see that they are doing worse off then me.

Second one....

- I HATE BEING A TECH IN THE HOSPITAL.

And it's not that I don't have respect for the position. I have mad respect for the women at our hospital who have been techs for all their working lives and rock it so hard. It is an essential part of how a hospital functions properly, but I have this vast skill set now and it frustrates me that I can't do simple nursing tasks because it's not in my defined scope of practice for my current position. And when I do, I either get yelled at or meet resistance from the other techs because it's not what I'm suppose to be doing.

Case in point: the last time I worked, one of my patients was receiving continuous bladder irrigation and part of that is having these huge 3000ml bags of irrigation fluid hung ever hour and a half or so to irrigate the bladder. You empty the foley bag and record the output and hang a new bag. Not a big deal and it takes the stress off the RN. So at change of shift when I was handing my patients off to the other tech I started explaining to her about the CBI and she gets bitchy at me, saying how she doesn't want to do that and I simply say that she needs to notify the RN that he will be responsible for that for the rest of the night. After that I was met with MORE bitchyness. Honestly, how hard is it to hang a damn bag of fluid and empty a foley bag and record the output? Idk

But that's just been on my mind for the past few days.

I graduate in 2 weeks and I cannot wait for that freaking day.

And then the day when I take my NCLEX will be even better.

So ready to get this show on the road.

Over and out,

Christina.